


downfall

by radholladay



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self Harm, Suicide, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 00:31:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4685423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radholladay/pseuds/radholladay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And soon enough, Dan and Phil were just a part of history that everyone vaguely remembers</p>
            </blockquote>





	downfall

**Author's Note:**

> if you are easily triggered, please be cautions while reading this x

Dan and Phil never imagined their love would end like this. They never imagined that the fans they used to call their home would turn against them so quickly. Yes, Phil had had some issues in his past, but Dan knew that with his love and care he  _had_ gotten over them. There's no doubt in his mind that Phil was recovering. He knew that the fans loved them for their insecurities, that's what made them easier to bond with. They weren't perfect, just like them. Sure, the fans had their moments where they would make small remarks to one of them on something they were insecure about that day, and hell yeah, that hurt them like nothing else in the world. The fans weren't fans to them, they were family. The family that they craved to have, the family that got them through thick and thin.

They knew time would take it's toll on their relationship, Dan wanted to fix Phil. And he knew he would, that's just who he aimed to be. He aimed to make sure that Phil was coping well, he aimed to know that he wasn't taking that cool metal to his skin, causing more and more imperfections upon his already pale and scarred skin. Dan knew about his past, and he was set out to make him forget it. To make him only remember his future that he had with himself. He wanted a family, not the one he gained with the fans, the one only him and Phil could share. A son, a daughter, just for them. Who knew that the exact opposite of this would happen, they would have never guessed that the family they created would tear them apart.

Phil wasn't okay, that was the problem Dan didn't know. Dan thought he was good, Dan thought he was happy with him. It was until a fan pointed out Phil receding from the crowd that Dan knew. He knew everything was getting bad again. His old feelings were coming back, and Phil wasn't going to be able to pull himself out of this alone. He was going to have to drag him back to where he was before, if he wasn't too deep already.

The fans didn't know about Phil's struggle, he hadn't shared that part of his life with them yet. That's when everything went downhill. The fans thought they were hiding everything from them, they stopped trusting them. They stopped supporting them, they became something not like a family to them anymore. Dan and Phil had no clue who these people were anymore, and it hurt Phil twice as much to lose something that meant to him so much, twice in his lifetime. Dan was too naive to understand what was going on with Phil when they first met, he didn't understand the hurt he was going through. He was too dumb to realize that with one wrong movement he could lose his best friend, and would lose an entire lifetime with him.

Months passed and suddenly Phil moved out of the shared apartment with Dan. Dan had lost all contact with him, and Phil hadn't posted on his channel in a month. He knew this meant something bad was happening, Phil was always the one reminding Dan that they needed to post videos. Phil knew what it was like for those fans who struggled and looked to them for happiness, they needed that daily reminder that life was good. But how come Phil couldn't remind himself that life was good, why couldn't he keep his head up when everything seemed to want to drown him? Why couldn't he just live. Why couldn't he just be normal for once? Dan knew these questions were insensitive towards Phil, but he was just so confused. He was always there, hell, he put Phil before himself.

By the end of November, Dan gave up. He stopped calling his phone, stop sending texts that just ended up being unanswered. He even stopped checking up on Phil's social media. He didn't need the constant reminder of what he couldn't fix, he didn't want to deal with the pain that he could have stopped and was incapable of doing. He kept his Twitter notifications on for Phil, just in any case he made a random appearance out of nowhere. He had done this before, he was gone for a couple of months, without a trace. But, even then that had only lasted a couple of months, this had already been 4 months.

That's when Dan got a phone call from an unknown number. Somewhere within this state, someone was calling him. And he had no fucking clue who it was. He picked it up and barely recognized the voice on the other end, it took him about a minute to finally realize Phil was calling him. His Phil, who had been missing for 4 months was finally calling him. But from and unknown number, why was he calling from and unknown number? He could barely understand Phil's voice through his own sobs. He never knew that he could find happiness in someone's voice, he didn't know how much something meant to someone like this. He finally understood Phil's dependency on him, he finally understood what it meant to be someone's happiness.

But suddenly his life came crashing down on him, he realized it wasn't Phil's voice. He realized that his hope had been to high and he was hearing what he wanted. He then came to realize that this voice was unfamiliar, this voice was something much rougher. Once his sobs stopped, the person spoke up again. Announcing that he was a doctor at the local hospital. Announcing that Phil had been in a coma for 4 months. Telling Dan that what was going to happen in the future, could no longer be a reality. There was no hope for Phil, he had passed in his sleep.

Dan couldn't understand this at all, he couldn't understand why Phil would just leave him like this. He finally realized that he would never grow old with Phil, he would never raise a family more than what they already created. And he would never be able to hear his roaring laughter when one of them screws up on their videos. The fans couldn't understand why Dan was being so quiet about this, they started questioning him less and less as the days went on. And soon enough, Dan and Phil were just a part of history that everyone vaguely remembers.


End file.
